SnowWhite-Weiß Style
by Ham Sama Hidaka
Summary: Snowwhite is such a dumb story...LET'S MESS IT UP, katana style...^~v What a dumb summary...


Untitled 

Author's Notes: Here's a warning to all you fellow fanfic writers...no eating turkey sandwiches, drinking multiple cans of Pepsi, and eating LOTSA sugar while writing a fic...this story is proof of that....Okay....Below is the story...R/R, please!! Doumo!! 

SnowWhite- Weiß Style 

Narrator: Once upon a time, there was a Queen. [Manx is shown in a big Elizabeth styled dress and looks quite harassed] And one day when she was sewing, she pricked her finger. 

Manx: Itai... 

Narrator: She watched as the blood fall below onto the snow... 

Manx: o.O WHO IN THE RIGHT MIND WOULD WATCH THEIR BLOOD DO THAT?!?!?! 

Narrator: And she said to herself that if she were to have a daughter, she would have a face as pale as snow and hair as red as blood. 

Manx: Ermm...isn't it supposed to be hair as black as night, face as white as snow, and lips redder then blood? 

Narrator: Ermm...well, I'm changing it. 

Manx: .... 

Narrator: Well, anyway, one day Manx gave birth to a child and she named it Snow White, [a baby appears in picture] but it turned out to be a boy. The Queen became so devestated that Snow White was a boy... 

Manx: Where's my agent? 

Narrator: ...that she threw herself out the window. 

Manx: Itai... 

Narrator: And she died. 

Manx: [sets off to kill the auther of the story] This is *so* atupid... 

Narrator: And then the king married another woman who is now the evil Stepmother[Birman appears into the picture] 

Birman: Cool, I'm evil. 

Narrator: And one day, the king got drunk and died. 

Birman: Well, at least I get to rule the place. 

Narrator: And when Snow White was 20 [Aya is in a brown ragged dress] 

Aya: Well, this is surely humiliating... 

Narrator: And one day, she... 

Aya: I'M A GUY!!!!! 

Narrator: Gomen...one day *he* was getting water from the well because the evil stepmother [Birman laughs from backstage] wanted him to get some water. 

Aya: Why do I deserve this? 

Narrator: Then a prince on a white horse appeared and saw Snow White and fell in love. 

Ken: [enters the scene on a broken-down white horse] Why do *I* even have to do this? 

[Aya sees Ken and falls over laughing. Ken shoots him an evil look] 

Ken: Baka...-_-" 

Narrator: And when the pince was about to ask the lovely Snow White for his name, the evil Stepmother called the, uhh, ermm, princess? back in. 

Birman: [from backstage] Abyssian!...wait no, that's not the line...Hey! you over there! Give me your copy of the script!!! Okay...ahem...[in a shrill voice] SNOW WHITE!!!!!!!!! 

[Aya turns pissed and trudges back stage] 

Aya: Why me? 

[In some evil looking dark room whatever thingie and the evil stepmom is talking to her reflection...wait! Isn't this the scene with the talking mirror?] 

Birman: Mirror, mirror on the wall....who wrote this stupid crap? 

Mirror: [Omi's face cheaply appears within the frame] Ermm...I can't awnser that. 

Birman: Fine! Omi, Omi on the wall, who wrote the friggin' script? 

Omi: [sweatdrop]-_-" Why do I get the worse parts in fairy tales? 

Narrator: [from backstage] Hey you two! The scene started!! 

Everyone else backstage: ...... 

Birman: Oops...mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all? 

Omi: Ermm...Snow White, my Queen, is the fairest of all. 

Birman: [outraged] NANI?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? 

Omi: [mutters] You heard me... 

Birman: [throws a chair at Omi, forgetting there is nothing there to protect him] YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP!!!! I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE BOUGHT YOU FROM THE FLEA MARKET!!!!!!! 

Omi: [gets hit with chair]...itai...@_@[ish now unconcious...-_-"] 

Birman: [red faced] Oops... 

[Birman is now sitting on her throne, talking to a woodsman, who is Brad Crawford] 

Birman: Now, I want you to bring Snow White into the woods and kill her... 

Aya: [backstage] HOW HARD IS IT TO SAY 'HIM' INSTEAD OF 'HER'?!?!?! 

Birman: Gomen...well, bring Snow White into the woods and kill *him* and bring me his heart. 

Brad: Okay, I can do that. 

[Brad and Aya are now walking towards the woods. Aya is becoming totally sick of all the Disneyish cuteness that is every where. And Brad looks like, well, Bradish.] 

Brad: [remembers his job then looks at the princess and feels all sorry for him] Princess Snow White, run away as fast as you can! You're stepmother wanted me to take you here, kill you, and bring back your heart. 

Aya: [unamused]Really? 

Brad: Yes, really, now go. 

[Aya walks slowly into the forest of cheap plastic trees while Brad goes and 'kills' a guy in a pig suit.] 

[Back at the throne room. Brad enters with a box.] 

Birman: So, did you bring me his heart? 

Brad: Yes, I did. [Gives Birman the box] 

Birman: [looks in the box] Hey! This heart is a pig's heart!!! 

Brad: And...? 

Birman: ...-_-'' Well, I wanted you to bring back my stepdaughter's heart, not the heart of a PIG!!!!!! [ish outraged] 

Brad: Oops...well, think of it this way, at least she's... 

Aya: [backstage] QUIT CALLING ME A GIRL!!!!!![sounds of snickering are heard] 

Brad: Well, think of it this way, at least *he* isn't in the kingdom anymore, and could die easily in a few days. 

Birman: Oh, yeah. 

[You now see Aya all crowded around with dead bums and what-not] 

Aya: Oh, yeah, I'd really die in a few days... 

[Aya walks around and finds a cottage] 

Aya: What a cheap cottage. 

Narrator: Oh, umm, hi again. Well, Princess Snow White found a cottage. And in the cottage lived 7 little men. 

[Aya opens the door, and you see Brad, Omi, Manx, Schuldich, Farfie, Brad, and Nagi.] 

Aya: Oh, yeah, real little...[rolls his eyes.] 

Narrator: Hey! I thought they were supposed to be in chibi form! And I thought they were supposed to be all men!!!! 

Yohji: The seventh one died last night, so we had Manx fill in. 

Manx: Please, tell me how I deservre this. 

Narrator: Oh...well, the dwarves... 

The 'Dwarves': WE'RE NOT DWARVES!!!!! 

Narrator: This script is very confusing. 'kay, ermm, the seven owners of the house took Snow White into their home. And as time went by, Snow White did many of their chores and took care of them. 

Aya: Whoopie... 

Manx: Oh God, this is really stupid. 

[Back at the Palace a few years later and Birman is standing in front of the mirror again] 

Birman: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all? 

[Omi's face cheaply appears again.] 

Omi: The fairest one, my Queen, is still the lovely Snow White. 

Birman: You *can't* be serious... 

Omi: Well, actually, I am. 

Birman: Stupid fairy tale... 

[Birman runs down to her culvin and snags a jelly-filled doughnut] 

Narrator: The Queen was outraged that Snow White was still the fairest of all, so she poisined the jelly-filled doughnut so Snow White could only be awoken by a kiss of true love and disguised herself a an ugly old hag. 

Birman: Why do I have to turn into an ugly old hag? Why couldn't I turn into a fairy?[turns into Masafuni Takatori] 

Narrator: Ask the origanal auther of the story. Well, the Queen set out to find Snow White after she found out that he lived with, well, those Seven people. 

The Seven People: Okay all ready! Just say dwarves!!! 

Narrator:...... Well, she waited until the dwarves[the chibi forms of Manx, Farfie, Omi, Yohji, Manx, Brad, and Shuldich exit the house] to go up to Snow White. 

Takatori: May I come in, sir, and have some water? 

Aya: No 

Voice Backstage: Ermm, Aya, you're supposed to say yes. 

Aya: That's nice...I can change the story if I wanna. 

Everyone Else: [sweat drop] .... 

Aya: Yes, you may come in. 

[Takatori enters the cottage.] 

Takatori: [holds up the jelly-filled doughnut] So, sir, would you like to eat this jelly-filled doughnut? 

Aya: [boredish like] Yes, I would like to eat the jelly-filled doughnut. 

[Aya eat the doughnut and lets himself slowly fall onto the floor] [Takatori laugh hysterically and flees the cottage] 

Narrator: After Snow White was poinoned by the apple, the dwarves came home. 

Farfie: [singing to make everyone suffer] HEIGH-HO! HEIGH-HO! IT'S OFF TO HOME WE GO! LALALALALALALALA! HEIGH-HO! HEIGH-HO! HEIGH-HO HEIGH-HO! IT'S OFF TO WORK WE GO! LALALALALALALA- - 

The rest of the Dwarves: SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[The dwarves open the door and see Snow White laying on the floor.] 

Manx, Yohji, and Omi: OH NO!!!!!! 

Schuldich, Nagi, Brad, and Farfie: [point and laugh] HAHA!!!!!! 

Narrator: The dwarves all cried- - 

Scwarz: YEAH RIGHT!!!!!! 

Narrator: and they threw the Queen off a cliff 

Birman: Itai... 

Narrator: And, of course, she died. Then the dwarves made a coffin for Snow White made of crystal. Then the prince was riding his horse through the woods and saw the chibis, well, three chibis, crying . 

Ken: Oh God, this is so cheesey.... 

Narrator: When he saw the three chibis crying, he jumped off his horse and walked towards them to see 'twas the matter. 

Ken: So, why are you guys crying...? 

Yohji: [holding an onion to his eyes so it would look like he's crying and points up to Snow White] She... 

[Aya hops out of the coffin and hits Yohji on the head and goes back into the coffin.] 

Yohji: I mean, he was everthing to us then his evil stepmother killed him...[makes a cheap sobbing sound.] 

Ken: Aaaah....well, I bet he isn't dead. 

Manx: Huh? That's not in the script...[looks to Omi]...or is it? [Omi shrugs his shoulders.] 

[Ken ignores them and walks towards the coffin] 

Ken: Oh God, I can't believe I'm doing this. [Brings his lips towards Aya's, but pulls himself away.] Hell no I'm gonna kiss Aya, ermm, I mean, Snow White. [puts his hands onto Aya's shoulders and shakes him violently.] WAAAAAKE UUUUP, SNOW WHIIIIIITE!!!!!!! 

[Aya wakes up and socks Ken, causing him to stumble back] You do that again, and I'll kill you. 

Manx, Yohji, and Omi: YEAH!!!! HE'S AWAKE!!! HE'S AWAKE!!!!! 

Narrator: Well, umm, ermm, since the Prince woke up the princess Snow White, they went off to live in the Prince's castle and lived happily ever after... 

Ken: BULL SHIT!!!! 

Narrator: Okay, maybe not. The End. 

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